A child wraps her arms tightly around her mother’s neck. Another child plasters his body around his dad’s leg as if he is permanently attached. What great threat is looming? It’s the impending departure of Mom or Dad.
As the two-year-old approaches your classroom, a very strong anxiety may overtake him. He is afraid of the unknown, afraid of leaving Mom or Dad. Children and parents have difficulty adjusting to separation. For the two year- old, his or her mind is not capable of understanding the meaning of the words “We’ll be right back.” What does “right back” mean to someone who hasn’t yet developed a concept of time?
The two-year-old may also have a hard time saying good-bye because he does not have a clear mental picture of Mom and Dad when they’re not there. The saying “out of sight, out of mind” reflects very literally a child’s limited understanding of Mom’s or Dad’s presence. If the two year-old cannot see Dad or Mom in his mind, he wonders if he has lost them forever.
Another factor that plays a role in the hardship of separation is the parents’ anxiety. Their child is growing up and experiencing an initial step of independence. Sometimes Mom and Dad have difficulty letting their child go. They want to hold on to the child just as much as the child wants to hold on to them.
No easy formulas will ease the pain of separation. Parents and teachers need an extra dose of kindness and patience. But perhaps some of the following suggestions will help parents and children when saying good-bye.
- Parents should clearly tell their child what is going to happen. “I am going to listen to a Bible story. I will be back when you are ready for lunch.” Parents should not sneak out without explaining to their child what they are going to do.
- If parents have difficulty leaving, assure them that you will take good care of their child and that children usually stop crying shortly after their parents leave. Tell them that if their child continues to have difficulty, you will send for them. If the parents are newcomers and their child is in a frenzied state, you may want to offer them the opportunity to check back later. Ask them to try to do it unobtrusively to avoid their child seeing them. If your classroom door has a window, parents can look in without disturbing the class. If the child is crying, you can say, “I know it’s hard to say good-bye to your daddy and mommy. They will be back to get you when it’s time to eat lunch. We’re going to have fun this morning.” Often the child will notice some toys or watch the other children and stop crying after a few minutes.
- Even though twos and threes do not understand the concept of time, they may be comforted by watching the clock. Using a toy clock, show them where the clock’s hands will be when their parents return. If they ask for their parents during the session, show them that the clock’s hands are not at the right place yet.
- You may discover a favorite toy of the child’s that he or she could play with as the parents leave. If the child has a favorite blanket or toy from home, allow him or her to carry that item. This allows the child to feel as if part of home is with him or her.
- If the child has a cubby or storage place for his or her belongings, you might ask the parents for a picture of themselves to put in the cubby for the child to see. You may want to arrange a permanent bulletin board display of the children’s families. Include pictures of the children’s parents.
- Visit the child at home. If the child sees you in that setting, he or she will see a connection between home and church. This may raise his or her comfort level with you in the Sunday School class. A natural part of children’s development is experiencing difficulty in leaving their parents. Remember that these feelings of loss are very powerful. Ask the Lord for patience and understanding as you minister to both the child and the parents.
Think about Your Classroom
- Think about the children who currently have difficulty leaving their parents when coming into your classroom. Which of these suggestions might you try? How could you help the parents handle the good-bye times?
- Have you visited your students’ homes lately? This act of kindness demonstrates your love for the children and their parents. The pain of saying good-bye may be eased as the children see you with their parents on their home turf.
- Are the parents of visiting children aware of your classroom procedures and curriculum? Is there a way you could communicate to newcomers what goes on in your classroom? Perhaps you could write an information sheet or compose a pamphlet with pictures and descriptions that detail your session. Your communication will help parents see the importance of Sunday School in their children’s lives and the need to endure separation difficulties.
